Don't hate other women - Use jealous or negative feelings to become More Whole
Do you ever feel jealous or competitive with other women?
About a year ago I was giving a talk; a few days after the talk I spoke with someone who had been there and she related to me that she had been speaking to someone who had also been there. The second woman said to her, “Why should I listen to her? She was a stripper.”
Yes, I'd been sharing my story of moving from being a scientist to an exotic dancer and relating what I had to learn and experience in order to move away from being a self-loathing, isolated, really lonely, unhappy woman to that of being a happily married woman in a long-term relationship and having work and a life that I'm really passionate about and happy with. I was doing that in the hopes of imparting some wisdom, sharing some of the nuggets that I'd learned so that other women might be able to use them in their own lives.
Initially when I was told this, it really hurt and I hung on to it. Isn't that typical? We hang onto things that people have said or done that really hurt us instead of remembering all the positive things people have said or the really great things they’ve done for us.
The point is that this woman was not open to hearing the message that I had to share. Isn't that another thing we women do? We isolate ourselves from other women out of jealousy. We stereotype. We critique. Usually it's because of something going on inside ourselves.
When I have a negative reaction to another woman, I know that it's not something she's doing. It's something that’s being triggered inside of me. I go inside to look within so that I can continue to look for the similarities in other women.
At our core, we women, people even, are all the same. When we learn how to stay open to other's stories, to the feelings evoked wthin us, to the experiences that evoke those feelings, then we not only give a gift to others, we give a gift to ourselves.
We embrace our whole being when we embrace other women’s whole being because how we interact with others is a direct reflection of how we're interacting with ourselves. We women grow through community and through sharing.
Jealousy of others
Now, I can't say for sure, but I thnk that perhaps this woman had some body image issues or some issues around sexuality. Perhaps she had a negative experience with a woman in an exotic dance club or even a partner who had gone to a club. I don't know for sure, but I do know firsthand that oftentimes I set myself apart if I'm feeling fearful as if I'm not going to have enough or that I am not enough the way that I am.
Negative or jealous
feelings are signposts
to fear, anxiety
Stay open and listen for the similarities with other women so that you can come together in community to build relationships with them, but more specifically and honestly with yourself. When you're open for others you're open for yourself. When you feel good about you, you get to build your Self Appeal.
When you feel good about you others will, too!
Stay open to
other women for
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